Like many of you, I suspect, I have often felt like an outsider looking in. I was in grammar school when I began to question the mainstream, but back then, and for a long while after, I did so quietly. For many years, in the midst of being raised Catholic, I knew what I was not; what I did not want. Namely, a conventional Judeo-Christian lifestyle. Yet I had no idea how to define who I was or what I even embraced. I identified as a rogue; an outsider; a rebel. Archetypically widespread identities. Disempowering identities on which organized religion has depended for millenia; polarities of good and evil, in and out, right and wrong which have permeated generations. The do's and don't's, the should's and shouldn't's, the guilt, the polarity, the external "God." Blah, blah, blah.
And don't get me wrong. That paradigm runs deep and powerful. After about ten years now and a lot of personal work (the substance of which will be the reflection of future blogs), I'm finally feeling pretty free of its bonds and limitations. Not surprisingly, the real passion of my spiritual inquiry was ignited when my life began to fall apart. This new chapter began as I ended a 10-year marriage at the end of 2003 at age 41. There had been some huge signs before then, and I had ignored them, but I finally got the memo. I hit an emotional bottom. I was in such despair. I was not in love with the man I married and was living a life that WAS NOT MINE. I felt like a complete failure.
Failure is a gift. It shows us in living color the worst thing we're afraid of. And in facing our worst fear, everything seems a bit easier thereafter. I felt a tremendous sense of freedom and liberation when I started saying "no" to other people's rules. In rejecting what I knew I did not want, the journey of discerning what I truly wanted for myself began and continues to this day.
And up to this point, I have clarified, for myself, four cornerstone values that I work very actively to imbue my life with consistently. These are simplicity, authenticity, creative expression, and balance.
Stay tuned.
Love it Sue! You go girl!! Proud of you and hope to see you soon.
ReplyDeletexo Heidi
Thanks so much, Heidi! Having just started this, it's exciting and scary at the same time...it will be a work in progress...like life, I guess!
DeleteFrom one outsider to another: doesn't it feel good to be on the outside and know that there are others who are standing beside you looking in at the madness. Life on the perimeter is calmer, more peaceful--but why am I telling you this, Sue? You get it, girl! Keep the blog posts coming............................Judy
ReplyDeleteYes, Jude, the outsider's view is one of detachment and calm...it's brought me/us a lot of empowerment. It's the prism through which I look at "the madness." And further, what I've discovered is that there are A LOT of "outsiders." So,as I hope to explore in my blog, a lot of outsiders are living INSIDE a different paradigm which is OUTSIDE of the mainstream...I've alluded to it in some of our talks together...;)
DeleteReading with interest -- thanks for being who you are :)
ReplyDeleteSandy
Many thanks, Sandy! Yes, I'll be learning as I go...knowing one has an immediate audience is quite the dynamic!
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