Coupling, De-Coupling, and a Theory of Entanglement

Sometime after we parted ways after ten years of marriage, my former husband said something to me that was profoundly healing.  He said, “Sue, we were together for a reason, and we parted for a reason.”  His words had a deep impact on me and gave me pause for reflection about relationships in general.  In essence, he had performed a ritual for the both of us with that single sentence.  Embodied in it was a sense of acknowledgement, honor, and letting go.  The other message that I got from these words has to do with nonjudgment.  The truth is, everything happens (and doesn’t happen) for a reason.  We don’t always know what it is, but we have to trust in the Universe.  This is often easier said than done.  But when we do, the lessons and gifts can be gleaned, even (and perhaps particularly from) the adversity.  I will always be grateful to my ex for our peaceful divorce.

Despite some good times and sweet moments, I have felt more challenged by relationship in my life than I have felt fulfilled by it.  This has been my path in this lifetime.  This is probably because the choices I’ve made in the past when it came to partnering up have been colored by fear and insecurity, and the consequences of such choices would start becoming very apparent soon after the relationship began.

Given what I’ve experienced and discovered in the last few years about myself, the human condition, and “the bigger picture,” I have come to the realization that when choosing a mate or a lover, there are so many forces at work that are invisible and that slip under the radar of our conscious awareness.  Like many, I would welcome “right partnership.”  But what I prefer more at this point is a joyous life that supports my higher self.  And so I’m feeling very content at this moment being and going solo.  There is much that I wish to explore, do, and experience further, and I am really savoring myself.  This might sound strange, but I don’t want to risk wasting time on “the wrong choice.”  And I mean that wholeheartedly.  Been there, done that.

I am fully aware of the necessity for compromise in relationship.  So much so that I feel I have compromised too much in my relationships.  When I would ask for something for myself from my partner, and then not get it, instead of lobbying for what I wanted or ending the relationship when it became clearly apparent that reciprocity was not forthcoming, I would put up with the disappointment for far too long.

We’ve all been there.  For me, giving has always been much easier to do than receiving.  Too easy, as a matter of fact.  In the past, not only did I not take the time to figure out what I really wanted in and from a relationship, but the mere thought of asking would stop me in my tracks.

I have often said in the midst of a relationship, “I am no good at this.  I don’t know how to do this, and I don’t know how other people do it.”  I know people sometimes say such things when trying to figure out how to raise kids, but you really don’t hear people say, “I don’t know how to do this” when it comes to relationships.  

When it comes right down to it, after all is said and done, in the comfort of my four walls, I know I rock.  I am at a hard-won peace, and I am happy.  I embrace it all.  All good.